6 days before You Fly

Dear Blog...

And to me beloved too whom I am writing to,

As the day draws closer to an end, I realized that the days before you head to the states are getting closer too. 5 weeks is a little too long I suppose, thinking that I would be able to spend more "me time" and play XBOX360 but I soon figure out is it all incomplete without you.

Life without you is like a straw, it sucks...

Well just pop in here to say that I love you and that I hope you would remember to read my Blog every night over there yea? I will type as long as I am able to.

I love you...

Abba Father, I thank You for internet, Facebook, e-mails and blogs. That even Kat and I is 12hrs apart, we are not separated because of technology. Lord, would you keep her safe and sound this night... I love you Father...

Amen...

For Him, In Him & Through Him only I live...
Luke Zachary

1 Week before You Fly

Dear Blog...

And to me beloved too whom I am writing to,

I left for camp today knowing that there was 3waves today I thinking that I would be coming home late again. But as I enter my squadron , straight into the guard post to look at my crew and the flying schedule, I then realize it was not bad after all. For my crew there was only 1 wave and it would be back by 1pm. So as I do my calculation for what time I would be home, it should be not later then 4pm. but I was wrong. It came back at 1pm, I finished my work by 3, then spent the next few hours waiting for my PDS IC to sign the forms... And now I am... HOME...

As I struggle between resting at home or going to Fuji's house, many thoughts came to my mind. All I need was a affirmation of I must go, should go or need to go. But I have none, all I got was, you may, can, feel free to come. I then give myself excuses of not going, and then I asked God for a sign! that I should go. Yup he gave me one. Knowing that I have a photo shoot tomorrow and my turn out need to be neat and good. I then intend to polish my safety boots with the liquid polisher. The cap got stuck with the brush, so I pulled a little harder and guess what? The brush came out together with the cap and the black liquid splash onto the floor. Well I told Him, "guess you didn't want me go after all" But maybe it is despite of this I would still go is the right answer for Him, I still would choose not to attend.

After hearing so much sermons of having JOY, Another Spirit and so on. I still cannot seems to apply all that I have learn into it. Maybe I am too lazy to, maybe my environment does not allow me too, maybe the sermons are not practical in times like these anymore.

Air force has taken ever joy that I have. It has taken my time, my strength, my emotion, my mind, my heart and my soul too. Maybe I am place in the worst place now in my NS. Work 6days week, even though you are flying on next Wednesday but I got duty. Saturday suppose to go out with you, but now there is SPORTS CAR duty.

But in spite of all these, I sense that I love you and need you more. And more then ever. I really do not know how to face myself when you are gone for 5 weeks... You are my everything... You are... my life...

Abba Father, I am sorry for my lack of faith. In You. Many times I am foolish and asked you to show me signs so that I may believe you are still real to me, but I yet forget your hands that was guiding me through. You love that forever shining upon me and blessing that is continuously pouring out onto my cup. Yet my heart was harden and my eyes were shut. May You continue to be by our side this day and the days ahead... Amen...

For Him, In Him & Through Him only I live...
Luke Zachary

Count down to Dar Dar's USA trip

Dear Blog...

And to me beloved too whom I am writing to,

Remember yesterday when I receive a call? It was my squadron that call back because I fill it in wrongly, well... It isn't much a problem, it just been made worst by the IC. As I was calmly answering and replying to my friend who was on the line, I can clearly overhear the unpleasant background. I truly swallow even pride or dignity that I have yesterday on the phone.

There is no pride, glory or even honor in Air-force. It just a pile of deep dung for people to step in, we are required to work like regulars, but we are paid with peanuts. We are expected to work like we know everything, but when things happen we get scolding we are not worth a cent...

So much for having 'A HIGHER PURPOSE'... Ever since I am qualified, everyday I get scolding after scolding. Everyday I drag myself to work, I lost confidence, totally demoralize. The colours of my life seems to slowly fade off...

But waking up next to you, opening up my eyes to see you put back the colours of my life... You complete everything good that this world is not, you bring joy, pure joy into my life. A blessing from God that I would and could not be anymore grateful for. Thank You I can't imaging my life without you in the five weeks to come...

My next few blogs would be my blogs for you baby...

lOve...

Luke Zachary

Living in a world of my own...

Dear Blog...

Its been a year and four months since I wrote in you and in my

SERMONETTE...

Reason being that there is nothing much to write about any more. The voices of God vanished from my life, I no longer hear Him, see Him or even feel Him anymore, maybe it's my fault for not desiring Him, maybe it's my fault for not trying. But I am tired of running this senseless race, I am throwing my towel, walking away from the path He desired for me.

"Vanity of Vanities, all is Vanity"

~ Ecclesiastes 1: 2

Everything that is of this world is nothing but Vanity. I am a nobody but a passing wind, undesired, unnoticed person living in a world of his own delusion. Pretending that I make impact to someone, someday. Betraying my mind of thinking I touched and changed someone's life, but no claims, no affirmation... No remembrance, no trace of records I ever did. King of ministry? Sorry Brother, I am nothing but a passing wind. No legacy that I left behind, I am just a tool that was used and dispose by the very nature of creation.

I am leaving from my once called home...

Another reason that I do not blog. Cause no one ever care reading on them...

No prayer this time... Shalom to myself...

A really SICK dae...

Dear Blog...

Yesterday, I was feeling terrible... My whole body was aching, my head was really heavy and my breathing was straining. I was in a position that I thought I was going to die, but the thought that came to me was that if really my time is up and I am going to be called home, I would die in the arms I love. And that was what I did! I crawled for my bed to my bathroom, then from my house to KAP (King Albert Park) just to in on time to meet my beloved after her cell group. My journey there was tough. Many a time I felt that I would die on the bus, but when I reach KAP, I told myself that I am this close in seeing her, and even I use every single strength I have to climb that stairs I will. So I slowly, bit by bit, step by step make my way up the stairs and eventually sat down at a table where I could secretly look at her without her notice so that I would not disturb the cell. And I sat there for an hour.

Even siting there was hard cause I felt that breathing was difficult and my body was in pain. But I remained sited looking at her, soon one hour has pass and she called me. I told her I was at the table near her. Then I make my way towards her table, after dragging myself there, I greeted everyone there, as much as I wanted to look lively, I failed badly as my body was not helping much. Miko brought me a hot cup of Milo while asking me to look after myself. Then everyone in the cell group left and my dear and I went to cold storage to buy some medication and water for me. I actually wanted to go out as it was my off day but my dear insisted that I go home due to my fever.

My journey was a very tough one for Kat, as she tries to support me and carry my bag. She was asking why my bag was so heavy, I told her that I brought out admin stuff from camp as I cannot afford to slack even when I am sick. But soon I realised that I am in a terrible condition, and the bag that I brought in fact did nothing more then increasing the burden I am in now. I then somehow feels that I was a burden to her. But she gently hold me and make sure I am not feeling terrible in anyways. She then brought me home while I collapse on my bed.

She took a bowl of water and a towel and slowly wiping my body and forehead to cool down my temperature. Then I took medication and when back to sleep. Soon it was getting dark and I suddenly remembered that Kat has a party to go. When I asked her, she says that she cannot go to the party without worrying for me. She would rather stay to look after me. And she did...

She brought me dinner while I took a bath to cool myself down. After she came back and unpack the food, and place in front of me. I did not even eat 1/4 of it. I was feeling terrible and when back to sleep. While she cleans up and wash the bowl. I soon feel like throwing up and I rush to the toilet and throw up everything. Everything... Then my stomach start to have cramps and I was feeling terrible. As I crawl back to bed, I was gently been put back to sleep by Kat and soon she felt asleep too. I believed she was very tired as I was woken up by her snores (oops). Soon it was getting late and she has to home before her dad kill her. After opening the door for her, I went back to sleep.

Today I felt much better... ^.^ and I am going to church now before I am late... bye bye...

Abba Father, I thank You for your healing hands. But I truly thank you for the illness as well, when I see Your love through her. I sense that the fact that my illness was not the highlight of yesterday but Your love through her. I prayed Lord Father would you bless her in every ways and Lord... Make me the person who is deserving for her love Lord... As I seek Your face Lord, would you grant me peace in my heart, Father protect me today as I work... I ask that would you teach me Your ways that I may follow... Amen...

I really love you dear... I really do...

For Him, In Him & Through Him only I live...
Luke Zachary

Updates so far....

Dear Blog,

I will have a break out on the topics that I will touch on...

1) Camps

1a) PCF
1b) NC
1c) Complete

2) Love life

3) Buddies



1a) Well PCF was a little different then the way we planned... our target was 30 people... we hit less then have after included the staff worker... We did not followed the timetable, everything was free flow, even worship! Well it was pretty interesting... The theme for the camp was "Me in the Big picture"... Mun Toh first started out teaching about how God's plan befall upon us, how magnificent is His will. Then the next day was Fuji teaching how our youth life can affect or change the society into the Big picture of God. But the lesson I brought home that day was neither of the teaching... I brought home something else, I realize that leadership hurts. There would be some point in time when even as leaders there would be quarrel and even miscommunication, but how we move on from there is what it really matters. It does not matter what was the topic, who was right or wrong, or even who started it first. But to look pass it and become friends again is tough but it is tougher to forget what has happen, even though we are alright now but the incident still haunts me until now...

1b) NC was even more interesting. As it was the first time I attended a camp without any games but having theory after theory, I dozen off a couple of time cause it was a bit dry. But over all it was still not bad. Maybe some of the teaching I could not fully accept but I respect him as someone who was given the authority to teach. The lesson I could bring home was the workshop Fuji taught (Well... I could have just hear it during CF). About reaching to the I pod generation...
The only thing I could bring home from Vinoth is that "Pastor should one day go up to the pulpit and say "I have nothing else to teach to you, unless you act upon what was taught last Sunday" then going up every Sunday teaching the church things that they would not do". And not to forget, it was the first time I went up the stage, facing 300 people and reading the Word of the Lord... ^.^ It was quite an experience...

1c) Complete... Coming in 1 week time... Well the committee is trying very hard to stick everything together in this short amount of time... Well... I told Fuji to form the committee in January but it was only form about 2 months ago during exam period. As more and more waves start crashing upon us, I prayed that may Ah Pa's grace fall upon us. As I look on the target of 80 people, I start to lose faith. As as Kat has said.. if we reach... if this and if that... my faith of reaching 60 could even be a problem... But nonetheless, I place my trust onto the hands of God...

2) It is coming to our 6th anniversary, and as I know back... Did I really make the right choice? Not that she is not the one... In every way she is and only is the one I love. Is just that I feel that I rush into relationship too soon. Well, I did not know her well enough, looking pass her flaws as they haunted me now and then (Not physical of course)... And how I failed times and again to be a good, responsible boy friend. Well, I love her for the love for God which now I wonder to myself, am I taking that love for God away from her? Well she seem thinking of me more that thinking of God. and even for myself, I have lost the passion as I first started out and well I hope that she would get me back on track. But instead she followed me along. I want her to feel that all she needs is God and not me, and the more when I ask her about this, the more her reason seems a bit off... Unless our relationship brings us closer to God, I believed we have failed to be a couple in Christ. Well many times and even in her mind (I heard from her) that giving up was a choice that pops up in our head. I feel that I need some time away to really see what went wrong to start the foundation again. But that is not possible... Throughout everything and even in the end if we did not make it... I would still say loving you was the a choice I never regret and never will...
well I have to see and pray for God strength in my life, as my doors start to open, the darker side of me will show but I pray that God would pour His mercy and love over us.
Now as each day draw closer, I hope that our love will be a pleasing living sacrifice to our Lord...
I love you baby dear...

3) I always believe that long lasting good friends are hard to find... It started off with 3 of us doing everything together, hanging out very most of the time. But as time moves much faster, we fell out of it. Slowly, we hardly talk... we hardly meet.. I believe I am at fault too, but tight schedule did not give me any flexibilities to meet up, but I am more willing to say OK when they call me out. I would cancel every event just to hang out with them... But now we hardly sit down and talk, we dun even see each other once in 2 weeks. I believe time has a better hold on us, and I always believe that there is a season in everything... The season for this relationship has come to a finale. It's time to move on... No looking back... No good byes... May the Lord bless you... my beloved buddies...

Abba Father, I thank You for today... I thank You for Your mercy and love. Even as I write this feelings I have, Lord would You still let Your spirit do Your work in my life... I ask Father this day that You will take on of me and use me according to Your pleasure... In Your name I asked... Amen...

A shining star, in the mist of stars

Dear Blog,

I write to you as a man looking for what cannot be found. The men whom I entrusted failed me, long have I have walked with them, journey with them, fought with them and eat with them. Long have I looked for leaders who will commit their life to the commandments of the Lord. In times of peace and rest, they prove worthy. But in times of help and need, their rescued was slowed and reluctanted.

My enemies laughed and mocked me. Their words are like a thousand arrows piercing me, and I am as one who was being sent to be slaughtered. Their tongues are evil, their language are venomous.

As I seek the counsel of my Lord, I cried out

"My God, my God, where are the leaders that You appointed? Where are the leaders that You anointed? To whom may I seek? To whom may I trust?"

I am despair, for my livning leaders are as good as those who are dead.
My spirit is downcast.

And there before me, were a shining star, in mist of dead stars. Her name was pledge, pledge to the God Almighty. She was with me at the start of my birth, and through my journey of life, she was there. Yet I took no notice of her in the mist of confusion, belittle her, I did.

But she rised up to the called of my distressed, even if I do not notice. She stand firm in her actions and leadership. She rised above all my leaders, for her heart is for the people and her mind is of God.

Let her youth not be taken lightly, for it is written:

“I am young in years,and you are aged;therefore I was timid and afraidto declare my opinion to you.
“I said, ‘Let days speak,and many years teach wisdom.’
“But it is the spirit in man,the breath of the Almighty, that makes him understand.
“It is not the old who are wise,nor the aged who understand what is right."
~Job 32:6 - 8

I am proud of her, like a father to a child.
She has mature in spirituality and understanding in the glory of our Father in heaven.
I found my strength once more, my spirit is renew like a fresh water that burst from the ground.
And I raised my voice to praise His name! In His glory may I dwell...

Then enemies have fled, without a trace, without a trail.
The victory is mine once more...
To the glory of the risen King!

Abba Father, I thank You for leaders in Christian Fellowship. Both true leaders and acting leaders. Lord, I ask in many ways that would You pour down Your blessing upon them. Lord let them dwell in Your mercy and grace. May Your love be upon them this day until You call them home... And Lord I thank You for the leader whom have Your heart, even in her studies and work by You pour down Your double portion of blessing and gifts. I pray Lord that she would commit herself in Your perfect hands, just as the name says "a vow in God". So Lord bless all leaders in Christian Fellowship. In Your name I ask... AMEN...

For Him, In Him & Through Him only I live...
Luke Zachary