Dear Blog...
Yesterday, I was feeling terrible... My whole body was aching, my head was really heavy and my breathing was straining. I was in a position that I thought I was going to die, but the thought that came to me was that if really my time is up and I am going to be called home, I would die in the arms I love. And that was what I did! I crawled for my bed to my bathroom, then from my house to KAP (King Albert Park) just to in on time to meet my beloved after her cell group. My journey there was tough. Many a time I felt that I would die on the bus, but when I reach KAP, I told myself that I am this close in seeing her, and even I use every single strength I have to climb that stairs I will. So I slowly, bit by bit, step by step make my way up the stairs and eventually sat down at a table where I could secretly look at her without her notice so that I would not disturb the cell. And I sat there for an hour.
Even siting there was hard cause I felt that breathing was difficult and my body was in pain. But I remained sited looking at her, soon one hour has pass and she called me. I told her I was at the table near her. Then I make my way towards her table, after dragging myself there, I greeted everyone there, as much as I wanted to look lively, I failed badly as my body was not helping much. Miko brought me a hot cup of Milo while asking me to look after myself. Then everyone in the cell group left and my dear and I went to cold storage to buy some medication and water for me. I actually wanted to go out as it was my off day but my dear insisted that I go home due to my fever.
My journey was a very tough one for Kat, as she tries to support me and carry my bag. She was asking why my bag was so heavy, I told her that I brought out admin stuff from camp as I cannot afford to slack even when I am sick. But soon I realised that I am in a terrible condition, and the bag that I brought in fact did nothing more then increasing the burden I am in now. I then somehow feels that I was a burden to her. But she gently hold me and make sure I am not feeling terrible in anyways. She then brought me home while I collapse on my bed.
She took a bowl of water and a towel and slowly wiping my body and forehead to cool down my temperature. Then I took medication and when back to sleep. Soon it was getting dark and I suddenly remembered that Kat has a party to go. When I asked her, she says that she cannot go to the party without worrying for me. She would rather stay to look after me. And she did...
She brought me dinner while I took a bath to cool myself down. After she came back and unpack the food, and place in front of me. I did not even eat 1/4 of it. I was feeling terrible and when back to sleep. While she cleans up and wash the bowl. I soon feel like throwing up and I rush to the toilet and throw up everything. Everything... Then my stomach start to have cramps and I was feeling terrible. As I crawl back to bed, I was gently been put back to sleep by Kat and soon she felt asleep too. I believed she was very tired as I was woken up by her snores (oops). Soon it was getting late and she has to home before her dad kill her. After opening the door for her, I went back to sleep.
Today I felt much better... ^.^ and I am going to church now before I am late... bye bye...
Abba Father, I thank You for your healing hands. But I truly thank you for the illness as well, when I see Your love through her. I sense that the fact that my illness was not the highlight of yesterday but Your love through her. I prayed Lord Father would you bless her in every ways and Lord... Make me the person who is deserving for her love Lord... As I seek Your face Lord, would you grant me peace in my heart, Father protect me today as I work... I ask that would you teach me Your ways that I may follow... Amen...
I really love you dear... I really do...
For Him, In Him & Through Him only I live...
Luke Zachary
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Updates so far....
Dear Blog,
I will have a break out on the topics that I will touch on...
1) Camps
1a) PCF
1b) NC
1c) Complete
2) Love life
3) Buddies
1a) Well PCF was a little different then the way we planned... our target was 30 people... we hit less then have after included the staff worker... We did not followed the timetable, everything was free flow, even worship! Well it was pretty interesting... The theme for the camp was "Me in the Big picture"... Mun Toh first started out teaching about how God's plan befall upon us, how magnificent is His will. Then the next day was Fuji teaching how our youth life can affect or change the society into the Big picture of God. But the lesson I brought home that day was neither of the teaching... I brought home something else, I realize that leadership hurts. There would be some point in time when even as leaders there would be quarrel and even miscommunication, but how we move on from there is what it really matters. It does not matter what was the topic, who was right or wrong, or even who started it first. But to look pass it and become friends again is tough but it is tougher to forget what has happen, even though we are alright now but the incident still haunts me until now...
1b) NC was even more interesting. As it was the first time I attended a camp without any games but having theory after theory, I dozen off a couple of time cause it was a bit dry. But over all it was still not bad. Maybe some of the teaching I could not fully accept but I respect him as someone who was given the authority to teach. The lesson I could bring home was the workshop Fuji taught (Well... I could have just hear it during CF). About reaching to the I pod generation...
The only thing I could bring home from Vinoth is that "Pastor should one day go up to the pulpit and say "I have nothing else to teach to you, unless you act upon what was taught last Sunday" then going up every Sunday teaching the church things that they would not do". And not to forget, it was the first time I went up the stage, facing 300 people and reading the Word of the Lord... ^.^ It was quite an experience...
1c) Complete... Coming in 1 week time... Well the committee is trying very hard to stick everything together in this short amount of time... Well... I told Fuji to form the committee in January but it was only form about 2 months ago during exam period. As more and more waves start crashing upon us, I prayed that may Ah Pa's grace fall upon us. As I look on the target of 80 people, I start to lose faith. As as Kat has said.. if we reach... if this and if that... my faith of reaching 60 could even be a problem... But nonetheless, I place my trust onto the hands of God...
2) It is coming to our 6th anniversary, and as I know back... Did I really make the right choice? Not that she is not the one... In every way she is and only is the one I love. Is just that I feel that I rush into relationship too soon. Well, I did not know her well enough, looking pass her flaws as they haunted me now and then (Not physical of course)... And how I failed times and again to be a good, responsible boy friend. Well, I love her for the love for God which now I wonder to myself, am I taking that love for God away from her? Well she seem thinking of me more that thinking of God. and even for myself, I have lost the passion as I first started out and well I hope that she would get me back on track. But instead she followed me along. I want her to feel that all she needs is God and not me, and the more when I ask her about this, the more her reason seems a bit off... Unless our relationship brings us closer to God, I believed we have failed to be a couple in Christ. Well many times and even in her mind (I heard from her) that giving up was a choice that pops up in our head. I feel that I need some time away to really see what went wrong to start the foundation again. But that is not possible... Throughout everything and even in the end if we did not make it... I would still say loving you was the a choice I never regret and never will...
well I have to see and pray for God strength in my life, as my doors start to open, the darker side of me will show but I pray that God would pour His mercy and love over us.
Now as each day draw closer, I hope that our love will be a pleasing living sacrifice to our Lord...
I love you baby dear...
3) I always believe that long lasting good friends are hard to find... It started off with 3 of us doing everything together, hanging out very most of the time. But as time moves much faster, we fell out of it. Slowly, we hardly talk... we hardly meet.. I believe I am at fault too, but tight schedule did not give me any flexibilities to meet up, but I am more willing to say OK when they call me out. I would cancel every event just to hang out with them... But now we hardly sit down and talk, we dun even see each other once in 2 weeks. I believe time has a better hold on us, and I always believe that there is a season in everything... The season for this relationship has come to a finale. It's time to move on... No looking back... No good byes... May the Lord bless you... my beloved buddies...
Abba Father, I thank You for today... I thank You for Your mercy and love. Even as I write this feelings I have, Lord would You still let Your spirit do Your work in my life... I ask Father this day that You will take on of me and use me according to Your pleasure... In Your name I asked... Amen...
I will have a break out on the topics that I will touch on...
1) Camps
1a) PCF
1b) NC
1c) Complete
2) Love life
3) Buddies
1a) Well PCF was a little different then the way we planned... our target was 30 people... we hit less then have after included the staff worker... We did not followed the timetable, everything was free flow, even worship! Well it was pretty interesting... The theme for the camp was "Me in the Big picture"... Mun Toh first started out teaching about how God's plan befall upon us, how magnificent is His will. Then the next day was Fuji teaching how our youth life can affect or change the society into the Big picture of God. But the lesson I brought home that day was neither of the teaching... I brought home something else, I realize that leadership hurts. There would be some point in time when even as leaders there would be quarrel and even miscommunication, but how we move on from there is what it really matters. It does not matter what was the topic, who was right or wrong, or even who started it first. But to look pass it and become friends again is tough but it is tougher to forget what has happen, even though we are alright now but the incident still haunts me until now...
1b) NC was even more interesting. As it was the first time I attended a camp without any games but having theory after theory, I dozen off a couple of time cause it was a bit dry. But over all it was still not bad. Maybe some of the teaching I could not fully accept but I respect him as someone who was given the authority to teach. The lesson I could bring home was the workshop Fuji taught (Well... I could have just hear it during CF). About reaching to the I pod generation...
The only thing I could bring home from Vinoth is that "Pastor should one day go up to the pulpit and say "I have nothing else to teach to you, unless you act upon what was taught last Sunday" then going up every Sunday teaching the church things that they would not do". And not to forget, it was the first time I went up the stage, facing 300 people and reading the Word of the Lord... ^.^ It was quite an experience...
1c) Complete... Coming in 1 week time... Well the committee is trying very hard to stick everything together in this short amount of time... Well... I told Fuji to form the committee in January but it was only form about 2 months ago during exam period. As more and more waves start crashing upon us, I prayed that may Ah Pa's grace fall upon us. As I look on the target of 80 people, I start to lose faith. As as Kat has said.. if we reach... if this and if that... my faith of reaching 60 could even be a problem... But nonetheless, I place my trust onto the hands of God...
2) It is coming to our 6th anniversary, and as I know back... Did I really make the right choice? Not that she is not the one... In every way she is and only is the one I love. Is just that I feel that I rush into relationship too soon. Well, I did not know her well enough, looking pass her flaws as they haunted me now and then (Not physical of course)... And how I failed times and again to be a good, responsible boy friend. Well, I love her for the love for God which now I wonder to myself, am I taking that love for God away from her? Well she seem thinking of me more that thinking of God. and even for myself, I have lost the passion as I first started out and well I hope that she would get me back on track. But instead she followed me along. I want her to feel that all she needs is God and not me, and the more when I ask her about this, the more her reason seems a bit off... Unless our relationship brings us closer to God, I believed we have failed to be a couple in Christ. Well many times and even in her mind (I heard from her) that giving up was a choice that pops up in our head. I feel that I need some time away to really see what went wrong to start the foundation again. But that is not possible... Throughout everything and even in the end if we did not make it... I would still say loving you was the a choice I never regret and never will...
well I have to see and pray for God strength in my life, as my doors start to open, the darker side of me will show but I pray that God would pour His mercy and love over us.
Now as each day draw closer, I hope that our love will be a pleasing living sacrifice to our Lord...
I love you baby dear...
3) I always believe that long lasting good friends are hard to find... It started off with 3 of us doing everything together, hanging out very most of the time. But as time moves much faster, we fell out of it. Slowly, we hardly talk... we hardly meet.. I believe I am at fault too, but tight schedule did not give me any flexibilities to meet up, but I am more willing to say OK when they call me out. I would cancel every event just to hang out with them... But now we hardly sit down and talk, we dun even see each other once in 2 weeks. I believe time has a better hold on us, and I always believe that there is a season in everything... The season for this relationship has come to a finale. It's time to move on... No looking back... No good byes... May the Lord bless you... my beloved buddies...
Abba Father, I thank You for today... I thank You for Your mercy and love. Even as I write this feelings I have, Lord would You still let Your spirit do Your work in my life... I ask Father this day that You will take on of me and use me according to Your pleasure... In Your name I asked... Amen...
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