And to me beloved too whom I am writing to,
I left for camp today knowing that there was 3waves today I thinking that I would be coming home late again. But as I enter my squadron , straight into the guard post to look at my crew and the flying schedule, I then realize it was not bad after all. For my crew there was only 1 wave and it would be back by 1pm. So as I do my calculation for what time I would be home, it should be not later then 4pm. but I was wrong. It came back at 1pm, I finished my work by 3, then spent the next few hours waiting for my PDS IC to sign the forms... And now I am... HOME...
As I struggle between resting at home or going to Fuji's house, many thoughts came to my mind. All I need was a affirmation of I must go, should go or need to go. But I have none, all I got was, you may, can, feel free to come. I then give myself excuses of not going, and then I asked God for a sign! that I should go. Yup he gave me one. Knowing that I have a photo shoot tomorrow and my turn out need to be neat and good. I then intend to polish my safety boots with the liquid polisher. The cap got stuck with the brush, so I pulled a little harder and guess what? The brush came out together with the cap and the black liquid splash onto the floor. Well I told Him, "guess you didn't want me go after all" But maybe it is despite of this I would still go is the right answer for Him, I still would choose not to attend.
After hearing so much sermons of having JOY, Another Spirit and so on. I still cannot seems to apply all that I have learn into it. Maybe I am too lazy to, maybe my environment does not allow me too, maybe the sermons are not practical in times like these anymore.
Air force has taken ever joy that I have. It has taken my time, my strength, my emotion, my mind, my heart and my soul too. Maybe I am place in the worst place now in my NS. Work 6days week, even though you are flying on next Wednesday but I got duty. Saturday suppose to go out with you, but now there is SPORTS CAR duty.
But in spite of all these, I sense that I love you and need you more. And more then ever. I really do not know how to face myself when you are gone for 5 weeks... You are my everything... You are... my life...
Abba Father, I am sorry for my lack of faith. In You. Many times I am foolish and asked you to show me signs so that I may believe you are still real to me, but I yet forget your hands that was guiding me through. You love that forever shining upon me and blessing that is continuously pouring out onto my cup. Yet my heart was harden and my eyes were shut. May You continue to be by our side this day and the days ahead... Amen...
For Him, In Him & Through Him only I live...
Luke Zachary
Luke Zachary
